Divorce and Remarriage

Something that has been said of divorce in class, is that you may divorce someone, but you are never unmarried. If there are children involved while you may not be living with your spouse any longer, you are still going to be actively communicating with them so that you can pass the children back and forth as well as finances. 70% of people that get a divorce two years later, wish that they would not have done so. Divorce in my opinion is taken advantage of far more then it should be these days. I think that couples see it as a quick fix, they don't want to deal with the problems that they are facing so they simply quit. I like to think of it like when you are living as a single student with roommates. I have caught myself disagreeing with a roommate but not addressing the problem because I knew that I could just get new roommates after the semester was over. Thinking about it, that is such a pathetic attitude to have. If you go into marriage with the thought that if it doesn't work out or if it isn't fun any more we can just cancel it and try again is so wrong. Especially in the gospel, marriage is an eternal decision.

Parenting

I have really appreciated this class and the insight I have gained on what the different roles are. For my future family I want to make sure that I do not forget what I have learned. I specifically want to make sure that I keep my husband an active part in the home. We discussed how whenever we correct men as they are completing tasks around the home it unintentionally lower their self esteem. I want to make sure that I provide opportunities in my home for my husband to feel appreciated and loved. I don’t want to run the home and have him bring in the money; rather I want it to be a team effort. We talked in this class also that we need to both give 100% all the time. I need to remember that it will not be a 50/50 effort, but a 100/100 effort.

            

Fathers and Finances

When I have children more than anything I want my husband to be an involved and supportive Father. The ways I have grown up seeing my Father take care of us and of my Mother is exactly what I want my husband to do. I want my children to know without a doubt that their parents love each other and that their parents are working together. 

I know that Fatherhood is essential to a successful family. I think of my Heavenly Father and all that he does for me. Fatherhood truly is an amazing thing. As I work to be the best Mother and wife that I can be, I believe that will in turn help my husband to be the best Father for our children that he can be.  

Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

It is often said that people don't remember what you say, but they remember how you make them feel. I think that is key in successful communication. People are far more likely to believe the tone of your voice, rather then the words you say. Something we talked about in class was sarcasm, that is something that I really need to work on. Someone in class made the comment that speaking with sarcasm is intentionally lying. I had never thought about it in that way, and I never mean to come across that way, but as I have paid attention to it I have noticed that maybe what I am saying isn't totally out of line, but it isn't necessary. When there is open communication in the family there is usually little conflict.

The Family Under Stress

When crisis hits, it is usually because there is an increase of stress, emergency, or change from routine. The word crisis means danger+opportunity. If we can help our selves to look at crisis with that in mind, I am sure that we would handle them a lot better. I love the scripture in Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." We are so blessed as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, something that I've heard said before is, "replace worry with work, and fear with faith." I try hard to live by that, if we can stop and think in every crisis situation about how the Lord is aware and use our struggle as a learning experience we will enjoy life a lot more.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

Women often think that men are as complex as they are. Men are quite simple, what they say really is what they mean. Don't read into what they say. I know it is so easy to do that, to twist what they say or what they do and squeeze some interpretation out of it. In class we talked about how intimacy is key, it isn't about sex. The primary organ involved in sex is your brain, marital intimacy is essential to a successful relationship, but we need to make sure that we are communicating so well that we cannot possibly be misunderstood. It is important that both partners as for feedback, when you ask for feedback before you give your opinion it helps with mutual communication rather then one person making all of the decisions.

Transitions in Marriage

Once a couple decides that they want to marry, there are quite a few changes that will begin to take place. In class we talked about the differences of cohabitation and marriage. Growing up in an LDS community, I don't have a lot of experience with those that cohabit. There are a few types of cohabitation, 1. Precursor to Marriage- this would mean that the couple are just "testing the waters" to see if marriage is something that could even work out for them. Generally the plan is to eventually marry if living together works well. 2. CoResidential Daters- The thought process here, is that it would be nice to share somethings. They don't necessarily want to be married but there are somethings that they don't need to have two of. 3. Trial Cohabitor- Intend to marry someone someday, not necessarily the current partner, but someone eventually. 4. Alternative to marriage- they don't want to get married, but they don't really know what else to do so they move in together. There isn't really any intention of marrying.
The way you start out dating, is usually how you will continue. How you date is how you mate. If you are casual and things are split half and half like in cohabitation, when you finally do get to the point that you want to marry, it will be a lot more difficult because you are already living separate parallel lives.

Preparing for Marriage

This week we talked a lot about dating and preparing to take the step of getting married. I really enjoyed this weeks lessons because this is the stage that I am in currently. I really appreciated the "Relationship Attachment Model", In this model we learned that you should first get to know someone. You shouldn't trust anyone more then you know them. You shouldn't rely on anyone more then you trust them, you should not commit to anyone more then you rely on them and you should not be physical with anyone more then you are committed to them. We talked about how when this scale is out of balance it really affects the attachment of the couple and makes it more difficult for things to last. I went on a couple of dates after we discussed this and I really tried to make a conscience effort to keep things in the proper order. I think this probably happens everywhere, but especially at BYU-Idaho I notice that as students we often do things out of order. A couple will kiss, and then decide that they probably should start dating because they can't really just be friends after kissing. This happens more often then you'd think, and it makes total sense why it doesn't generally end up lasting.

Gender and Family Life

We often heard it said that someone that has lesbian or gay tenancies, was "born that way". They can't do anything about it because that is just the way they are. This does not make any sense at all. Why would Heavenly Father put us on this earth with a plan in action and then create some of his children with characteristics that would make it impossible for them to return to live with him? I do not believe that he would do this. The feeling of attraction to the same gender is often created due to a misunderstanding of emotion and feeling. When people feel something they may convince themselves that because they felt it something must be wrong with them and they must be "lesbian" or "gay". No one's eternal plan has that in store for them. The feelings that come due to same gender attraction are real, but they can be controlled. You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to what happens to you.

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

What is family? We discussed the different definitions that people give family. It is interesting to think about what exactly makes up a family for me. One of the definitions that was given was, a group of people bonded together by blood or by common experience. I like this because I think a lot of times there are people that are not blood related to you that feel and act like family. The best definition of family can be found in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". We are so blessed to have a wonderful article with guidance. A line I really appreciate from the proclamation is "marriage between man and women is ordained of God, children are entitled to a Father and a Mother." This hit me pretty hard because in the world today people make it seem okay, and even normal to have children with out being married. It doesn't say that it is ideal for children to have a Mother and a Father or that best case scenario, what it says is that children are "entitled". This adds a new level of importance and pressure in my mind. As I prepare to have a family I want to make sure that I am following the proclamation.

Family Dynamics

This week we discussed the different dynamics in a family. Something that really struck me was the conversation we had about Fathers. Brother Williams said that most often when Dad is isolated in a family it is because he feels embarrassed or shame because he is not as experienced as Mom in nurturing the children. I have never thought about things with this light. I know that each parent has their roles, but I think it is important that both parents take turns nurturing and helping the children. We also discussed the relationships between Mom and Dad and that if Mom and Dad have a quality marriage, go out on dates often, and tell each other they love each other in front of their children, the entire family will be affected in a positive way. Heavenly Father wants us to become like him, not live in his basement. Our goal should be to enter the temple and be sealed to an eternal companion.

Social Trends and the Family

In class we talked about the trends and rates in the family. It is interesting that the statistics always go up and down. Today in the news we often hear people make the excuse that we shouldn't be having so many children because there are not enough resources for them on the earth. I know that the Lord is not going to ask us to have children and then not prepare a way for us to be successful. My stake president on campus said once, "Replace worry with work, and fear with faith." I think this is something that we need to live by. The Family Proclamation says that the family is key to our Heavenly Fathers plan. It is sad to me when I hear people that do not understand or value family. A quote that was said in class is, "A day will come when only Latter Day Saint women will continue to have children and make family a priority." President Brigham Young. It will be a sad day when this comes to pass, but I know family is key to the Lord's plan.

Family Relations 160

This blog is for my Family Relations class. I will post on here as I learn more about the family. I am looking forward to this class because I know that the family is key to the Lord's plan. I am